BLOSSOM GRAM

Mon Ami My beautiful morning dew, I have been dreaming about you lately. You know those dreams where I never quite get to see your face, yet your braids dance against the wind, your laughter fills my ears, my hand rests on your waist, and my lips find yours… only for reality to wake me to a life without you. It’s hard. Some days, I wish your nights felt as empty as mine without me by your side. Do you yearn for me as I do you? Or has life’s turmoil swallowed you whole, leaving no space to think of me, of us, of what we could become? I, for one, dream. I wish. I manifest. I imagine our time together will be heavenly, that you’ll: Hold me until we die Weather together the storms of life Won't always be sunshine Baby, we're blends of imperfection Give me your heart and soul Love me like you've never loved before Beautiful morning dew I'll be your shoulder to cry on to I have been growing, emotionally, mostly. I am learning to blend childishness with...

  The first time we met, I never imagined all this would follow. You seemed almost oblivious, maybe even indifferent to my presence. I looked, I lingered, I smiled, and then I told myself to forget you. The second time was no different. You were on some errand, carrying that air of someone who hated every moment of it. I whispered a soft hey , and you glanced at me. My courage dissolved, and I walked away sheepishly. Still, I sat there, stealing glances, silently urging myself once again to forget. The third time, I entered a room only to find you there, quiet, still, radiant, seated across from me. And again, I wondered why fate always placed me in a position to watch you. Every fiber of me longed to sit beside you, to spill endless streams of random stories, to hear the sound of your laughter, even though I barely knew who you were, beyond the undeniable beauty I kept trying, and failing, to erase from my heart. Then came the heys , the shy smiles, the laughter that filled ...

My Darling, There’s something peculiar about her, how I placed her on a pedestal she never asked for. She didn’t think she was all that, but I saw her as everything. She left, but somehow, she still lingers. A voice in the quiet. A memory that won't be quiet. Don’t you even think of giving up. Don’t you even. Don’t you even say you’ve had enough. You’re not leaving. The thing about breakups is that they never announce themselves. You wake up on what feels like a beautiful day, and then bam! your world flips. Suddenly, the one you love doesn’t love you anymore. Just like that. I still don’t understand it. How do you stop loving someone? Can you even stop? Or did you never really love them at all? Most of us never get closure. We just learn to carry the silence like it’s part of us. Don’t you know that lovers don’t let go? No, no, not like that. Take your time, but come back. To me, love has always been something that loops. It returns, even if it slows do...

Hey you, Yes, you. It’s easier for me to write this here than to confront you — again — about it. Sometimes, I wonder why it always feels like everything is stacked against us.  Why? Something always happens. And somehow... we’re the ones sabotaging what could be — because of all the fears, and the wounds we’ve collected over the years. What frustrates me most is how we took all those feelings — those real, complicated, beautiful feelings — and swept them under the rug. Or worse, dumped them in the so-called “water under the bridge.” Yes, maybe it’s wrong. But it also feels so right. Isn’t there even a part of you — however small — that wants to risk it? To see how far we could go? It could be the most beautiful thing that ever happens to us. Or... the messiest. But still — wouldn’t it be worth finding out? If you're not the one for me, Then how come I can bring you to your knees? If you're not the one for me, Why do I hate the idea of being free? ...

  Hey you, Yes, you. It’s been a while. I’ve been ignoring you — not out of malice, but because I keep falling, stumbling through the lessons of life. But the last couple of months, They’ve been beautiful. I write this with a laugh as Ivy by Leon Bridges plays in the background. I’m making spaghetti, the music’s looping, and I don’t mind one bit. Honestly, all I really need is you . You know that feeling after spending time with someone you love — where time seems to slow down and the world fades out? When you catch yourself smiling, fully present, completely unaware of everything else around you? I’m in that moment. And I love it here. For some context — I made a lot of mistakes when it came to love while growing up. I think we all do. But now that I’m older, I’m learning not to repeat them. I try — sincerely. Life keeps throwing new challenges, and I keep meeting them, slowly learning to respond instead of react. I love who I am becoming. I’ve always been a lover, and no...

Hey you, Whenever I’m asked if I have a “type,” I usually shrug and say,  not really . I’ve always liked them different — could be how she walks, how she holds her purse, how she articulates her words, how she does the simplest things with her own flair. I’ve never chased after body types or skin colors (okay, fine — younger me didn’t yet understand the  excellence  that comes with dark-skinned women). So yeah, I tend to say I don’t have a type. But I do. Funny thing is — I just realized this. So we’re discovering it together. All the women who’ve truly been my type? They’ve had one thing in common: they’ve moved on from me. Ouch, I know. It sounds tragic, maybe even a little poetic. But let me explain. See, I tend to mess up. That’s on me. I’ll own that. I’ve made poor choices, and now, I’m living with the echoes of my early twenties. I’m older now — orbiting the higher spaces of my late twenties — but I still carry the weight of that younger version of me. The one who w...

Dearest Reader, Are there days you wake up and feel as though you have no love inside of you? It's not like you don't love others or yourself, but you have no love. You see the flaws in people, then flaws in yourself and your surroundings, but have no idea about how to change it, so you sit there in silence, internalizing everything happening around you, and in you, then you move on from it. Well, moving on from it is the idea I tend to have most of the time, but I try to think happy thoughts. But today I thought to myself, have I ever explored this side of me? This unloving side, not hateful but unloving. It was a holiday, but I'm unemployed, so every day is a holiday, but today was a holiday holiday and I just sat in my house, lay in my bed, made tea, stared out the window, and now it's evening. I was just thinking and having conversations with myself about life, really. Okay, I'll give you a fast boot about what's been happening. I woke up one day and...

Dearest Reader, Yesternight I lay beside a woman I desired. She was the embodiment of all I wanted but wasn't what I needed. It took me too long to realize that, though. I may have been so fixated on the idea of being with her that I lost myself in my own whims of what I thought I wanted.  Want and need always seem blurry to me. I always want things that make my heart race, and I chase after them, then realize that I just needed some peace of mind and slow music. But does that mean that I shouldn't chase after what I want? What if that want causes me more damage than I can handle and I finally break? Break because I have spent my years holding on to the hope that I will always be okay, as I walked on a tight leash and a single misstep would cause my death. I have all these fears of finding a good woman. Fears that have no basis since I do not know what a good woman is. Is a good woman someone who resembles my mother? Is a good woman someone whom I love that she loves me? Nah, I...

My Beloved, Falling in love with you wasn’t a choice, it was an instinct!   I have tried loving others but it isn’t the same. I have tried to not love you anymore but it comes so naturally, not forced just easy. I mean there are reasons why I shouldn’t love you, you not loving me being the most important one, but it doesn’t matter, well to me it doesn’t. We could live with mine since I have a lot of it… I dreamt about you nearly every night this week How many secrets can you keep? 'Cause there's this tune I found That makes me think of you somehow And I play it on repeat Until I fall asleep The oddest thing about all this is I would do it all over again if I had a chance. You know, loving you. Loving you made me funnier since I loved how you laughed, how small your eyes got, and how your nose scrunched when smiling at my cringe lines. How holding you felt, how holding your hand never got too hot to make it uncomfortable and how sleeping while holding hands never felt weird. So ...

Dearly Beloved, It's been six years since I said I'd watch this piece, La La Land. I've been afraid, though, afraid that it might become my life. A line reads that whoever is afraid of suffering is already suffering from what they fear, and clearly, I have become it.  Seb says that he is letting life hit him till it gets tired then he will hit back and that line made me laugh as life has been hitting me lately. A line reads that don't kick a man whose on the ground but life didn't get the memo since I've been receiving my daily share of kicks everyday. You know, life not being as I had envisioned it as a child. Be married at 25 and have cars and houses and horses and kids... and now I can barely follow through a movie as I need rest.  Mia and Seb are what I had and what I craved for so I understood their story. How both of them sought after their dreams and worked towards them but then life chose different trajectories for them and life seemed good but they were...

  A quote read, “It’s hard to wait for something you know might not happen but it’s even harder to give up when you know it’s everything you want.” The quote felt timely. I read it at a time when I struggled with letting go. I don’t want to, though. She was mine, but she wasn’t. She might never be, but I want her to be. Why? Umm... because she is everything! What does that mean? I also can’t tell but I know that she is everything I currently think life is. It’s happiness, sadness, peace, anger, a thin line between crazy and tranquility and I crave to have that forever. You make me want to make mistakes You turn temptation into my best friend You make me just give up and cave Will I ever fall in love like this again? She gaslights me into thinking that crazy is normal. She pushes my boundaries, and I want to try everything at least once. The whole time, I am certain that the ideas are extreme, but I am exhilarated, and I love the thrill it brings. I have tried fallin...