LITTLE BIT OF LOVE

Dearest Reader,

Are there days you wake up and feel as though you have no love inside of you? It's not like you don't love others or yourself, but you have no love. You see the flaws in people, then flaws in yourself and your surroundings, but have no idea about how to change it, so you sit there in silence, internalizing everything happening around you, and in you, then you move on from it.

Well, moving on from it is the idea I tend to have most of the time, but I try to think happy thoughts. But today I thought to myself, have I ever explored this side of me? This unloving side, not hateful but unloving.

It was a holiday, but I'm unemployed, so every day is a holiday, but today was a holiday holiday and I just sat in my house, lay in my bed, made tea, stared out the window, and now it's evening. I was just thinking and having conversations with myself about life, really.

Okay, I'll give you a fast boot about what's been happening. I woke up one day and decided to quit my job (risky move, kids), then I just blinked and it's a new month, and I survived the previous one. I got more time to myself, so I think more, I learn more, I am lazier than I already was, I have more music, and life has just been throwing these lessons that are forced down my throat since I refuse to understand them.

So yes, a lot has been happening, but amidst all this chaos, I've been leaning towards loneliness. You know her, she's faithful to you, she doesn't talk to you for a long time, then one random night at 2 am, she wakes you and just wants to spend time with her beloved. We had an on-and-off relationship last year, and I thought I ended the toxic relationship since we were so inconsistent with each other, nonetheless, she came back.

I'd actually missed her if I'm being honest. So today she woke me up a bit earlier, and we spent the day together. Thinking and talking and wanting to invite another human into this space, but that would rob us of our time together, thus I threw away my phone and just stayed still till hunger kicked some sense back into me.

But she stayed, and we finally got to talk about the sense of unlove I had today. It's fanned by the idea that things have not changed in a while. It's the same cycle, and I have no problem with cycles, but everyone I know is echoing the same sentiment of survival, frustration about life, and the cards they've been dealt lately, and all this made me feel stagnant, alone.

Then my old lady called and asked about my day and ranted about hers, and I enjoyed that. It was just a call about how her day was and some reassuring words about mine, then I got my remedy for my unlove... It was just a little bit of love!

It felt nice, got me smiling again, bid my lover goodbye, and took a shower. Hopefully, this time she'll take a bit longer before she wakes me again, but it was a nice change of pace today, spending time in my lonely state, but not depressed, just sad and lonely with a hint of hunger and indecisiveness about what to have for lunch.

So dearly beloved,

Sometimes everybody needs a

Little bit of love

When you're down and out, your heart is breaking

Little bit of love

And with every single smile you're faking it

Little bit of love

I got a little bit of love

I got a little bit of love

Oh, when every ray of hope is fading

Little bit of love

When you're crying out but no one takes you in

Little bit of love

I got a little bit of love

 

Love,

 

Thairu

 

 

It feels really nice to be back!!! I had really missed this….