WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE!

Hey you,

Yes, you.

It’s easier for me to write this here than to confront you — again — about it.

Sometimes, I wonder why it always feels like everything is stacked against us. Why? Something always happens. And somehow... we’re the ones sabotaging what could be — because of all the fears, and the wounds we’ve collected over the years.

What frustrates me most is how we took all those feelings — those real, complicated, beautiful feelings — and swept them under the rug. Or worse, dumped them in the so-called “water under the bridge.”

Yes, maybe it’s wrong.

But it also feels so right.

Isn’t there even a part of you — however small — that wants to risk it? To see how far we could go?

It could be the most beautiful thing that ever happens to us.

Or... the messiest.

But still — wouldn’t it be worth finding out?

If you're not the one for me,

Then how come I can bring you to your knees?

If you're not the one for me,

Why do I hate the idea of being free?

Okay — a little context for you, dear reader.

She reminds me of the moon.

The full moon, specifically.

Why? Story for another day, but whenever I see it, I’m taken back to the few times we were together.

Maybe that’s why I’m this delusional.

Why?

Because even though I know it might never be...

I still want it.

And if this feeling is anything close to what Adam and Eve felt about the forbidden fruit, then yes, I completely understand them.

I condone their behavior!

Because I, too, am falling for it.

The difference is: I don’t have a serpent in my ear, whispering, “Go on, take the bite.”

I’m doing this on my own.

And if I'm not the one for you,

You've gotta stop holding me the way you do.

Oh honey, if I'm not the one for you,

Why have we been through what we’ve been through?

She makes me feel seen. Wanted.

And strangely, she always asks to get closer.

But we don’t do that here.

We run. We hide.

Especially when people get too close.

Still — she tries.

Then she disappears on a random Thursday. I sigh, relieved. Thinking I’ve escaped whatever that was. But just as quickly, she reappears on a random Tuesday. And I’m back again, trapped in this push and pull. Torn between my logic and my longing.

Because what if she gets too close...

And then leaves?

It’s so cold out here in your wilderness.

I want you to be my keeper.

But not if you’re so reckless.

But it’s not one-sided.

I think I have some power in all this, too.

I’ve seen her vulnerable, deeply so.

But she recovered so fast, I’m not even sure if what I saw was real.

She snapped back like nothing happened.

 

Wait — I lost my train of thought again...

Oh, right. I was giving you context.

 

She reminds me of clear blue skies.

She makes me laugh more than anyone else.

(Not that I’d ever tell her that.)

What man admits his woman is funnier than him?

Also... she’s not my woman.

Yet.

Or maybe never.

 

If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently.

Don't pretend you don't want me.

Our love ain't water under the bridge.

And so... I suppose that’s that.

Lately, it’s the idea of what could’ve been — what might never be — that keeps my heart racing.

We're apart now.

But if fate — whatever that is—brings us back together,

Maybe I’ll get to relive all of this again.

 

Until then, dear readers,

Stay warm.

Drink your tea.

Don’t catch a cold like I did.

 

Love,

 

Thairu