HOSTAGE

My Love,

I wanna be alone

Alone with you, does that make sense?

I wanna steal your soul

And hide you in my treasure chest

I promised myself that I would achieve a series of things before I gave love another chance and things worked perfectly till I saw her and we looked into each other’s eyes and she lit my gloomy world with her smile. She drew me in, and like a moth to a flame, I broke my walls to let her in. She felt… feels worth it.

I don't know what to do

To do with your kiss on my neck

I don't know what feels true

But this feels right so stay a sec

Yeah, you feel right so stay a sec

She has me building castles of how life will be with her by my side and I genuinely cannot wait to see if I was right about it all. She fits into my world and I am comfortable sharing my bubble with her. All this is somewhat scary since it has been a while since I felt this way and I am afraid of opening doors and maybe just maybe she might not like what she sees inside and decides to leave, but I still want to risk it. Maybe, she will stay… I hope she stays.

And let me crawl inside your veins

I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain

It's not like me to be so mean

You're all I wanted

Just let me hold you like a hostage

I don’t know how you lot love but I seem to enjoy my partner’s company. I have sat with people before and they said that they cannot stay with their partners for long periods since they would get bored and I wondered, How would you staying with your partner be boring? I mean, she walks into a room and I feel like a kid again. I crave her touch and voice, I earnestly listen to her talk and giggle about things I cannot understand but seem important to her. Her mere existence is a mystery to me as it brings me so much peace and looking into her calm eyes has me yearning to clothe myself in her presence so that I can feel that way always… but you will get bored staying with your partners? Ah ah ah ah ah I wonder!!!!

My two cents are that most people got manipulated by their toxic partners that spending time together for a long period of time will make them get bored of you and they believed it which led to them not experiencing the bliss of having their partner by their side all the time. The joy and chaos you are missing out on is a lot and yet you wonder how you never really knew someone and yet you claimed to be in love with them.

And nothing hurts when I'm alone

When you're with me and we're alone

I have this theory that when we risk love we show our best self and are often afraid of our flaws and insecurities being revealed but they also want to be seen and many a time these ‘partners’ leave when they see them which results in us fortifying our walls to hide our flaws better. But with her, I am not afraid of being seen. I have this gut feeling that she will love me more when she sees my weakness and I too will do the same. Maybe I am biting more than I can chew but I am convinced this is a risk I should take.

And let me crawl inside your veins

I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain

It's not like me to be so mean

You're all I wanted

Just let me hold you

Hold you like a hostage

Like a hostage

I am happily going through these doors and hoping this love stays. It has been a while since I experienced life from the other side and I want to remember how that felt like. I think I am prepared for the arguments, the meaningless yet meaningful fights, the pettiness, the jealousy, the awkward moments, the silence, and above all the love I am about to be given and also give. May this be a beautiful journey.

You are exactly and perfectly what I’ve waited for.

Love,

 

Thairu.