SOMETHIN' STUPID

 

My Little Haven,

I know I stand in line

Until you think you have the time

To spend an evening with me

And if we go some place to dance

I know that there's a chance

You won't be leaving with me

Albert Schweitzer said that if you love something then you have to let it go and he didn’t say how much letting go hurts. One plus one isn’t adding up to two since explain this; I love you, but I have to let you go because of that love. Why? Is it because my love is wrong? Is it because I am underserving of your love? Or is the world adamant about me sacrificing everything I proclaim to love just to teach me some lesson I never care about? 

The simple art of letting go is not simple at all. You have to take a deep breath and accept that your beloved shall be in the arms of another. That whatever you love will be loved better wherever it goes. That it will be taken care of better than you could ever do. But then what if you loved it unconditionally, do you still have to tell yourself that maybe that wasn’t enough that is why they left and why you should let go!

Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place

And have a drink or two

And then I go and spoil it all

By saying somethin' stupid like, "I love you"

I can see it in your eyes

That you despise the same old lies

You heard the night before

And though it's just a line to you

For me it's true

And never seemed so right before

Being someone who has never been let go before I cannot speak about it or how it feels to be let go but I have let go of a loved one before. She, my haven, just changed. No amount of words and love worked. She wanted space and started her journey to heal but if we are honest all these things are empty. It is my unpopular opinion that people can work on themselves while still in relationships and get all the support they need from their partners rather than doing it alone.

But here we like doing it alone. We want commendations for walking alone and leading a life of solitude while we are surrounded by people who love us and genuinely care for us but hey… I want to do it alone so stop bothering me. I will come back when I am fine. Makes me wonder, does it mean that when I let go of that which I love I am supposed to sit in anguish and patience waiting for it… her to come back.

I practice every day

To find some clever lines to say

To make the meaning come true

But then I think I'll wait

Until the evening gets late

And I'm alone with you

Time just flows. It doesn’t care that you let go and you are waiting. It keeps moving; so, you wonder if you are supposed to continue waiting and being patient for someone who seems to be living their life while yours is stuck. Living in the constant nightmare of hoping and hoping and hoping and… hoping you won't die as you await your beloved.  Time really is not a respecter of persons.

So, when does this cycle begin? Is it when we are so overwhelmed by these feelings we get around them then we finally fall and say the stupid words; I LOVE YOU! Is this when the affliction begins? Or is it the minute you see them and you know that they mean the world to you and thus life says we have to teach this fella that the world can be rough. So they leave, but they are not too far that you cannot reach them but also not too close for you to have them. So you spend what feels like an eternity chasing after them just to get some semblance of what it felt like when they were yours.

The time is right, your perfume fills my head

The stars get red, and, oh, the night's so blue

And then I go and spoil it all

By saying somethin' stupid like, "I love you"

But you have to let go and move forward while also hoping to be okay. Wait, what is being okay? Is it the façade of struggling to control how some things make you feel and because you can't deal with all this you choose to be okay? Not knowing what it means to be okay but hoping it is meaningful. The art of being okay… Then if being okay is this uncertain feeling, I am clearly not okay. A cliché line reads it is okay to not be okay and I wonder if they are also confused by what this means.

"I love you"

"I love you"

"I love you"

"I love you"

Nevertheless, maybe I am not okay and I have chosen to let go but I don’t know how to move forward. Some of us get busy and think we are moving forward but clearly, they are not. They are just busy dealing with other things but when they actually think about them they never moved an inch from this loss of letting go. And they seem “okay” but clearly they are not. Maybe they do not have the words to actually say what they feel so they walk through life in this lie of being “okay”.

So, be kind. It costs nothing to be kind. Try it. You can never know what actually goes through people’s heads and hearts so maybe trying to be kind to them and checking up on them could go a long way. Nonetheless,

I go and spoil it all

By saying somethin' stupid like, "I love you"

 

With Love,

 

Thairu.