Skip to main content

ARE YOU WAITING?

Dearly Beloved, 

It has been a while since I've been here. I do hope you've been well and taking care of yourself because I know I haven't. My month has been chaotic but I have found this chance to write to you. Regardless, I did meet her. 

She has me here seated in silence and in darkness trying to find the words that can best express how I feel. How I can bring her forth to the world in a way that does justice to who she is. How I can let the world know that I have found the gift it served me with.

You came to see me here tonight
I haven't seen you in a while
And as I cry, I say
Are you waiting?
Cause when I wake up, you won't be alone again

She is different. Or maybe that's how I see her. With her hair and her smile and every other thing that God saw fit to adorn her in so that I could see her for who she is... My joy or maybe His joy but nonetheless I am the one that sees her now, so yes My Joy. 

I came to see you here tonight
I never found you and I tried
And as I cry, I say
Are you waiting?
Cause when I wake up, you won't be alone again

She makes my heart palpitate or maybe I am still sick but she has me wanting to be cured or maybe I could get healed by being close to her. That's cheesy... But what are the odds that as God was sending her forth to the world so that I may find her, He packed His grace at her Bossom and I'd be healed when I hugged her? I'm getting delusional...

Is heaven just as beautiful as you?
Is heaven half as beautiful?
Could you save a space for me next to you?

I am afraid though. I fear that if I dare get too close then my heart would get broken. I wonder if I would be insecure of the world seeing her as I do. I wonder if I would be able to hold her close to me without squuezing too hard in fear of her being taken from my arms. I know that I wouldn't have the strength to walk through life if she is taken from me. So does that make me a weak man or rather a man weakened by love?

I wonder
Does anybody come to see you?
I came to see you here tonight
I've never seen you in the light
And as I cry, I say
Are you waiting?
Cause when I wake up, you won't be alone again

I do not want to let fear take this from me. So I guess I'll take that step forward and try expressing how I feel. Maybe the world will shine my way and I'll have her or maybe I'll sleep and wake a coward who never knew what could be. I have seen heaven and I wonder if I am worthy enough to walk in it, maybe I should cleanse some more before I can try... 

Is heaven just as beautiful as you?
Is heaven half as beautiful?
Could you save a space for me next to you?
I wonder,
Does anybody come to see you?

Love,

Thairu.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

LOVE ME WRONG!

  A quote read, “It’s hard to wait for something you know might not happen but it’s even harder to give up when you know it’s everything you want.” The quote felt timely. I read it at a time when I struggled with letting go. I don’t want to, though. She was mine, but she wasn’t. She might never be, but I want her to be. Why? Umm... because she is everything! What does that mean? I also can’t tell but I know that she is everything I currently think life is. It’s happiness, sadness, peace, anger, a thin line between crazy and tranquility and I crave to have that forever. You make me want to make mistakes You turn temptation into my best friend You make me just give up and cave Will I ever fall in love like this again? She gaslights me into thinking that crazy is normal. She pushes my boundaries, and I want to try everything at least once. The whole time, I am certain that the ideas are extreme, but I am exhilarated, and I love the thrill it brings. I have tried fallin...

SEB'S

Dearly Beloved, It's been six years since I said I'd watch this piece, La La Land. I've been afraid, though, afraid that it might become my life. A line reads that whoever is afraid of suffering is already suffering from what they fear, and clearly, I have become it.  Seb says that he is letting life hit him till it gets tired then he will hit back and that line made me laugh as life has been hitting me lately. A line reads that don't kick a man whose on the ground but life didn't get the memo since I've been receiving my daily share of kicks everyday. You know, life not being as I had envisioned it as a child. Be married at 25 and have cars and houses and horses and kids... and now I can barely follow through a movie as I need rest.  Mia and Seb are what I had and what I craved for so I understood their story. How both of them sought after their dreams and worked towards them but then life chose different trajectories for them and life seemed good but they were...

CRAWLING!

My Beloved, Falling in love with you wasn’t a choice, it was an instinct!   I have tried loving others but it isn’t the same. I have tried to not love you anymore but it comes so naturally, not forced just easy. I mean there are reasons why I shouldn’t love you, you not loving me being the most important one, but it doesn’t matter, well to me it doesn’t. We could live with mine since I have a lot of it… I dreamt about you nearly every night this week How many secrets can you keep? 'Cause there's this tune I found That makes me think of you somehow And I play it on repeat Until I fall asleep The oddest thing about all this is I would do it all over again if I had a chance. You know, loving you. Loving you made me funnier since I loved how you laughed, how small your eyes got, and how your nose scrunched when smiling at my cringe lines. How holding you felt, how holding your hand never got too hot to make it uncomfortable and how sleeping while holding hands never felt weird. So ...