DUSTY SHEETS

Looks like my true love is in love with someone else...

I don't really know how to navigate that. I mean it's 4AM and I should be asleep but here I am missing her as I listen to Music under the coat of rain and for some reason it's dusty since I keep rubbing my eyes and I have a runny nose. Yeah it must be these dusty sheets, I'll have to get them cleaned.

No one prepares you for this part of life. Or maybe it's because not a lot of people get to experience it. But why can't we, the ones living in it, get to have a manual sent our way. Or maybe a snippet of the future so that I can know there's life tomorrow or is it today? It's been blurry, I don't know how to live anymore...

Feels like I was cheated. Promised forever then forever ended so why did that English Literate Lie. Forever was not supposed to be that short. Or maybe that was my forever so I wonder why I deserve such short forevers. I'd like to live in the memory of it, memory of what it was, memory of what it would have been... So I enact simulations of all this and it gets easier or is it harder when I realize it's all a lie... But it's true enough for me so I find solace in that...

How do you deal with the fact that your true love is in love with another. You don't. There's no way you navigate that, so you wonder what you actually did wrong. Was it that you didn't try enough? Or maybe she was lying while promising love? No, I don't think she was lying, if she did then I wouldn't know what's true anymore...

I am wondering if I am truly worthy of love. If I was then would she have left. But again I wonder if Love is worthy of me. I did all the 'right' things and still failed, so maybe love isn't worthy of me, Maybe Love needs to go stand by the wall and think about what it's done. Maybe love needs to understand that I also deserve it and it deserves me. But it's yet to speak so maybe it hasn't reflected on its errors... I wish it would.

My true love is in love with someone else, guess I'll have to accept it and wish her the best. I wonder why I have to accept it but I won't get any answers, so I'll have to sleep and hope love kisses me back awake... Or was the sleeping beauty also a lie shared by love...

Forever isn't forever,

so just be my baby until whenever,

and if shit goes sideways,

just be my friend until we get back together

Thairu.

Comments

LET ME LOVE YOU NOW!

Babycakes, I think I finally met her. Well, she was always in my life but I never really thought of her in that light then I was walking in darkness and she became the light I ran to. I don’t know when I fell for her but I think I always held her to some higher regard compared to other ladies. She, my woman, (I get to say that my woman, my lady) is a ball of energy and I feel loved, accepted, and wanted by her. Everything comes easy with her, well, loving her is easy. Being loved by her feels easy. I am smiling as I write this since I can see her smile while looking at me with her hazel eyes… God her hazel eyes. I wonder if I ever felt seen before I met her. Was I actually seen before her? Maybe yes but I don’t think I care much about the ‘other’ eyes since being seen by these ones has been what I yearn for… Has been what I live for. I am genuinely glad whoever came before me fumbled because he didn’t know what a good thing he had lost. You're the one I love Every second th...

TO LOVE SOMEONE!

My Darling, I’ve thought long and hard (that’s what she said) about how I should start the year, but I guess it already started and I wasted time trying to figure out the train rather than the destination. I have spent time thinking about this and that, trying to understand humans and learning to love them and ignore some of them since I cannot keep up with their flaws and defensive lines, “That’s who I am” is what they say and clearly, I am not built to involve myself with men who can’t try to better themselves in any way. This would be my first blog of the year. Was I even supposed to say that? But yes, it is the first blog and I am super excited about the year. About all I will experience, about all I will write, and all I will see. It will be a beautiful year. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Him: Our kids will have your eyes! Her: (giggles) They will definitely have your eyes. Him: Then maybe they will have your cute nose...

ROBBED

Dear Reader, The year is 2003; My mum is an introvert and she was a new mum to this ball of energy and as discipline for not obeying her (nilikataa kuwasha jiko) she made me sit with my dad. Now my dad was a silent man, (was since we rant a lot when we meet), and I “feared” the man. I don’t have a valid reason why, but silent people give me the creeps. So, as I sat with this man of little to no words, he tuned in to Nation TV and this new segment started playing. “Smallville”, a little kid falls from the sky in a pod and a few months of binging this show and the kid is now an adult who flies and can shoot lasers from his eyes. Clark quickly became my favorite character and there was this babe, Lana! The year is 2004 and I was turning 5 that year. Now, I could already tell what was attractive and what wasn’t and Lana was the most beautiful on-screen lady I had known. She was dating Clark and there was this bald man called Lex and then she started dating that guy and I was flipp...

BLOSSOM GRAM

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