DUSTY SHEETS

Looks like my true love is in love with someone else...

I don't really know how to navigate that. I mean it's 4AM and I should be asleep but here I am missing her as I listen to Music under the coat of rain and for some reason it's dusty since I keep rubbing my eyes and I have a runny nose. Yeah it must be these dusty sheets, I'll have to get them cleaned.

No one prepares you for this part of life. Or maybe it's because not a lot of people get to experience it. But why can't we, the ones living in it, get to have a manual sent our way. Or maybe a snippet of the future so that I can know there's life tomorrow or is it today? It's been blurry, I don't know how to live anymore...

Feels like I was cheated. Promised forever then forever ended so why did that English Literate Lie. Forever was not supposed to be that short. Or maybe that was my forever so I wonder why I deserve such short forevers. I'd like to live in the memory of it, memory of what it was, memory of what it would have been... So I enact simulations of all this and it gets easier or is it harder when I realize it's all a lie... But it's true enough for me so I find solace in that...

How do you deal with the fact that your true love is in love with another. You don't. There's no way you navigate that, so you wonder what you actually did wrong. Was it that you didn't try enough? Or maybe she was lying while promising love? No, I don't think she was lying, if she did then I wouldn't know what's true anymore...

I am wondering if I am truly worthy of love. If I was then would she have left. But again I wonder if Love is worthy of me. I did all the 'right' things and still failed, so maybe love isn't worthy of me, Maybe Love needs to go stand by the wall and think about what it's done. Maybe love needs to understand that I also deserve it and it deserves me. But it's yet to speak so maybe it hasn't reflected on its errors... I wish it would.

My true love is in love with someone else, guess I'll have to accept it and wish her the best. I wonder why I have to accept it but I won't get any answers, so I'll have to sleep and hope love kisses me back awake... Or was the sleeping beauty also a lie shared by love...

Forever isn't forever,

so just be my baby until whenever,

and if shit goes sideways,

just be my friend until we get back together

Thairu.

Comments

LOVE ME WRONG!

A quote read, “It’s hard to wait for something you know might not happen but it’s even harder to give up when you know it’s everything you want.” The quote felt timely. I read it at a time when I struggled with letting go. I don’t want to, though. She was mine, but she wasn’t. She might never be, but I want her to be. Why? Umm... because she is everything! What does that mean? I also can’t tell but I know that she is everything I currently think life is. It’s happiness, sadness, peace, anger, a thin line between crazy and tranquility and I crave to have that forever. You make me want to make mistakes You turn temptation into my best friend You make me just give up and cave Will I ever fall in love like this again? She gaslights me into thinking that crazy is normal. She pushes my boundaries, and I want to try everything at least once. The whole time, I am certain that the ideas are extreme, but I am exhilarated, and I love the thrill it brings. I have tried fallin...

SEB'S

Dearly Beloved, It's been six years since I said I'd watch this piece, La La Land. I've been afraid, though, afraid that it might become my life. A line reads that whoever is afraid of suffering is already suffering from what they fear, and clearly, I have become it. Seb says that he is letting life hit him till it gets tired then he will hit back and that line made me laugh as life has been hitting me lately. A line reads that don't kick a man whose on the ground but life didn't get the memo since I've been receiving my daily share of kicks everyday. You know, life not being as I had envisioned it as a child. Be married at 25 and have cars and houses and horses and kids... and now I can barely follow through a movie as I need rest. Mia and Seb are what I had and what I craved for so I understood their story. How both of them sought after their dreams and worked towards them but then life chose different trajectories for them and life seemed good but they were...

CRAWLING!

My Beloved, Falling in love with you wasn’t a choice, it was an instinct! I have tried loving others but it isn’t the same. I have tried to not love you anymore but it comes so naturally, not forced just easy. I mean there are reasons why I shouldn’t love you, you not loving me being the most important one, but it doesn’t matter, well to me it doesn’t. We could live with mine since I have a lot of it… I dreamt about you nearly every night this week How many secrets can you keep? 'Cause there's this tune I found That makes me think of you somehow And I play it on repeat Until I fall asleep The oddest thing about all this is I would do it all over again if I had a chance. You know, loving you. Loving you made me funnier since I loved how you laughed, how small your eyes got, and how your nose scrunched when smiling at my cringe lines. How holding you felt, how holding your hand never got too hot to make it uncomfortable and how sleeping while holding hands never felt weird. So ...

BLOSSOM GRAM

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