DUSTY SHEETS

Looks like my true love is in love with someone else...

I don't really know how to navigate that. I mean it's 4AM and I should be asleep but here I am missing her as I listen to Music under the coat of rain and for some reason it's dusty since I keep rubbing my eyes and I have a runny nose. Yeah it must be these dusty sheets, I'll have to get them cleaned.

No one prepares you for this part of life. Or maybe it's because not a lot of people get to experience it. But why can't we, the ones living in it, get to have a manual sent our way. Or maybe a snippet of the future so that I can know there's life tomorrow or is it today? It's been blurry, I don't know how to live anymore...

Feels like I was cheated. Promised forever then forever ended so why did that English Literate Lie. Forever was not supposed to be that short. Or maybe that was my forever so I wonder why I deserve such short forevers. I'd like to live in the memory of it, memory of what it was, memory of what it would have been... So I enact simulations of all this and it gets easier or is it harder when I realize it's all a lie... But it's true enough for me so I find solace in that...

How do you deal with the fact that your true love is in love with another. You don't. There's no way you navigate that, so you wonder what you actually did wrong. Was it that you didn't try enough? Or maybe she was lying while promising love? No, I don't think she was lying, if she did then I wouldn't know what's true anymore...

I am wondering if I am truly worthy of love. If I was then would she have left. But again I wonder if Love is worthy of me. I did all the 'right' things and still failed, so maybe love isn't worthy of me, Maybe Love needs to go stand by the wall and think about what it's done. Maybe love needs to understand that I also deserve it and it deserves me. But it's yet to speak so maybe it hasn't reflected on its errors... I wish it would.

My true love is in love with someone else, guess I'll have to accept it and wish her the best. I wonder why I have to accept it but I won't get any answers, so I'll have to sleep and hope love kisses me back awake... Or was the sleeping beauty also a lie shared by love...

Forever isn't forever,

so just be my baby until whenever,

and if shit goes sideways,

just be my friend until we get back together

Thairu.

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SEB'S

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