BOXED.

I like placing things in boxes; helps me navigate through life and the cards it chooses to serve me with. So when I am anxious or overwhelmed I tend to think everything over, see if I can be able to solve everything on my own before I give leeway to the voices in my head.

They help. They always help. But there are moments when I am not able to do it alone or with the voices. So I write... Writing helps me calm down. Helps me view the situation from a different perspective. I tend to view it as the reader rather than the writer. But can I really critic my own art?

Now I am overwhelmed. No I am anxious. Now what is the difference between the two? Why is this such an issue for me? I am better than this or maybe I am not and reality has finally caught up with me. I convince myself that I am emotionally strong but this proves that I am clearly not.

I hit rock bottom a while back and now I know rock bottom has a basement. Things are dark. I am lonely and screaming for help but it comes off as a smile so I wonder if I am really not okay. I am okay, I mean life is good, it just so happens that it's a cold day but so is my heart, if I focus enough I can feel it getting colder and I am afraid I'll start locking out most things.

I hate piling up things. It has been 'Water under the Bridge' for a while but it's getting flooded and the overflow is leaking onto other relationships. I am getting more vulnerable and sensitive. I am not me and this new phase is tiring.

So I am finding a new perspective. I am trying to view things from the fourth person since the third person is not getting things or maybe he is having a slow week and the pressure is catching up to him. Or maybe I need a day to rest and think but I've been doing that every night and I'm still here.

Let's all take a deep breath...

A person close to my heart told me that it's hard for me to ask for help since I am always there for me but then I wonder how will me placing myself out there benefit me? I happen to know of people who confided to some 'close confidants' and they heard their business with other people. I don't want that so I'd rather just sort it with my ego.

I don't think I'll get a solution now so I'll rest. When I do sort everything I'll be back. A stroll is a good idea but it's cold and thats a bad idea. Or maybe being cold is what I need. Let me see if I can freeze these water droplets about to leak...

Adios

Thairu

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LET ME LOVE YOU NOW!

Babycakes, I think I finally met her. Well, she was always in my life but I never really thought of her in that light then I was walking in darkness and she became the light I ran to. I don’t know when I fell for her but I think I always held her to some higher regard compared to other ladies. She, my woman, (I get to say that my woman, my lady) is a ball of energy and I feel loved, accepted, and wanted by her. Everything comes easy with her, well, loving her is easy. Being loved by her feels easy. I am smiling as I write this since I can see her smile while looking at me with her hazel eyes… God her hazel eyes. I wonder if I ever felt seen before I met her. Was I actually seen before her? Maybe yes but I don’t think I care much about the ‘other’ eyes since being seen by these ones has been what I yearn for… Has been what I live for. I am genuinely glad whoever came before me fumbled because he didn’t know what a good thing he had lost. You're the one I love Every second th...

TO LOVE SOMEONE!

My Darling, I’ve thought long and hard (that’s what she said) about how I should start the year, but I guess it already started and I wasted time trying to figure out the train rather than the destination. I have spent time thinking about this and that, trying to understand humans and learning to love them and ignore some of them since I cannot keep up with their flaws and defensive lines, “That’s who I am” is what they say and clearly, I am not built to involve myself with men who can’t try to better themselves in any way. This would be my first blog of the year. Was I even supposed to say that? But yes, it is the first blog and I am super excited about the year. About all I will experience, about all I will write, and all I will see. It will be a beautiful year. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Him: Our kids will have your eyes! Her: (giggles) They will definitely have your eyes. Him: Then maybe they will have your cute nose...

ROBBED

Dear Reader, The year is 2003; My mum is an introvert and she was a new mum to this ball of energy and as discipline for not obeying her (nilikataa kuwasha jiko) she made me sit with my dad. Now my dad was a silent man, (was since we rant a lot when we meet), and I “feared” the man. I don’t have a valid reason why, but silent people give me the creeps. So, as I sat with this man of little to no words, he tuned in to Nation TV and this new segment started playing. “Smallville”, a little kid falls from the sky in a pod and a few months of binging this show and the kid is now an adult who flies and can shoot lasers from his eyes. Clark quickly became my favorite character and there was this babe, Lana! The year is 2004 and I was turning 5 that year. Now, I could already tell what was attractive and what wasn’t and Lana was the most beautiful on-screen lady I had known. She was dating Clark and there was this bald man called Lex and then she started dating that guy and I was flipp...

BLOSSOM GRAM

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