He starts,
“People don’t realize how often men
are experiencing a lack of intimacy and the only place that they can experience
that intimacy is through sex. Men who say sex is the only thing they are not
getting are actually struggling with a lack of companionship, of intimacy, of
being in a space with a person they share what humans need to feel. And I hope
we get to a point where men say they didn’t need the sex, they needed to be
held and we live in a society where its hard to be held unless we are having
sex. Can’t we just talk? Can’t we just ask to be held and if we have a few more
vulnerable conversations then we will get to a place where its not just sex or
no sex but people actually saying we are actually full human beings who require
a full spectrum of affection and affections towards us. Maybe men need to be allowed
to express and enjoy intimacy despite and aside from sex!”
Dearly Beloved,
I got blessed with a lot of content
and I have a lot to write but I have been very lazy. I keep on procrastinating
and I have wasted loads of time but we still have time so I will write. I
already beat myself up for it and its time I pick up my ingredients and start
cooking. I’d like to hope you have been well from the last I wrote.
Never
had to work for love
Don't
need you to show me how
Don't
want to be falling in
When
I'm falling out
Didn't
think I'd give for love
Every
time I hold it back
Now
there’s lust in my head
I'm
tryna find who I am
Close familiarity or friendship is how
Google defines Intimacy as. But I have a close familiarity or friendship with a
couple of folks but I cannot say that I am intimate with any of them. So, it
begs the question, what is Intimacy? I tend to think I am the easiest book to
read and I am often vocal about who I am and what I like but still, I think no
one truly knows me. I think they know some aspects of me but that doesn’t
define who I am. There are levels to intimacy and I think I have crossed this
bridge with most people; Physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, and experiential
but regardless of me marking all these boxes I still do not have a single
person who I can say I am truly intimate with.
I do not have a person whom I can call
in the middle of the night and talk about some concepts I got while eating and
how they seem to affect my view of life without necessarily wondering if I would
also shutter their concept of what transient life is. Get someone whom I can
give a long hug and get to be held and talk about my fears and how fast life
seems to be moving (Hell, it was December just the other day and I was crying
to About Time and here I am almost three months into the new year and I haven’t
made any relevant moves on my board.)
There's
choosers, there's takers
There's
beggin' heartbreakers
I
don't wanna be that way
You
will never hear me say
"Come
hold me, console me"
When,
really, I'm lonely
Even
if I feel this way
I
don't wanna feel this way
When
I—
Meet
someone
I
don't want to need no one
I'm
not tryna let you in
Even
if I've found the one
So rather than screaming for help and
crying about it; I choose to stretch out my arm to whoever will be willing to
share their fears. To whoever will need a shoulder to lean on. To whoever will
need an ear in the middle of the night and share their problems. To whoever
will have a need for intimacy and not worry that I will build castles about who
we are. To whoever… to whoever…
I have this recurring fear about
making the wrong choice with the woman I pick as she will be someone I’ll spend
most of my life with. If I make a bad choice I will get to live with it. I do
not believe in separation or divorce, so rather than risk it I’d rather live without
it. But again, if I chose solitude who would continue my legacy or rather my story.
Would I live with the thought that I have burdened my sibling to carry the
weight of ensuring our family names remains in the registry.
Never
had to wait for love
Always
thought it'd come around
You
come for me
But
I'm nowhere to be found
Cancellations
for conversations
I
don't need right now
I'm
afraid of these relations
I
can't be tied down
I am afraid of needing someone. Need
is not a weakness but it can be a weakness with the wrong person. I do not have
a concept for money so I cannot say it’s a need whilst relating with people but
emotionally I am afraid of needing anyone. I view the world as a cycle of the
same issues and they just happen to upgrade to something that seems different
but in all reality it’s the same old problem you had whilst growing up. So, I do
not find a need to burden anyone with my emotional turmoil. Or maybe I walk
through life hoping to find myself or rather a person who is willing to stretch
their arm the same way. Or maybe I need to find me within myself.
People seem to already be burdened by their
problems, so isn’t me adding mine to yours seem like an injustice. But this
kind of thinking is wrong since if I followed this train of thought then I would
sink in my own problems and I wouldn’t get the chance to see my peers confused
by what I just told them then laugh and say I was kidding. It’s how much they
will say they want to be there but when you open that door and they view the
other side and remain speechless, that often feels like a waste.
There's
choosers, there's takers
There's
beggin' heartbreakers
I
don't wanna be that way
I
don't wanna feel this way
When
I—
Meet
someone
I
don't wanna need no one
I'm
not tryna let you in
Even
if I've found the one
Life seems like one big joke. It can be
what I want of it. If I choose to be intimate with anyone then its possible but
then how do I know that they will not misinterpret my intentions? How can I simply
want to achieve an intimate relationship without the other character “catching
feelings” and having these superficial fantasies that we are meant to be.
I try to achieve intimacy through
conversation but I seemingly fail every time, then things escalate and I need
to have that uncomfortable talk. That sucks most of the time since it always feels
as though I am breaking hearts and that is not an intention I had. But does it really
matter what intentions you had when you break someone’s heart? Surely by now
you should see how life is a big dull joke and no one is laughing.
So, what happens when I find the one?
Will I let myself be vulnerable or will I worry that I might “break them”? Will
I be misunderstood or will I have to explain why I am close to half the world
but it is not sexual, I am simply intimate with all of them as that’s how I would
like the world to be, a place where we are not afraid to be intimate. A world
where we share love and care.
Maybe I will die after achieving this.
I just wish I will have a woman by my side who will never misunderstand my intentions.
Well, wishing will not get me anywhere, let me see what the future holds for me.
I
don't wanna be that way
I
don't wanna feel this way
When
I—
Meet
someone
I
don't wanna need no one
I'm
not tryna let you in
Even
if I've found the one
Love Yours,
Thairu.
❤️❤️
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