GORDIAN KNOTS

 

Hello,

John: Quick question?

Doe: Ahaa

John: So, umm are you controlling?

Doe: Nope or I don’t think I am. I am territorial

John: What does that mean? Territorial…

Doe: It means (he went on about it but I didn’t really understand what he said)

John: Okay okay. So what does that mean?

Doe: That I am territorial and not controlling…

 

I am controlling. I don’t like it when things related to my life do not move in a way that I can’t predict. It’s a problem I know but I am willing to accept help for it. I like control and I can offer up so many justifiable reasons why it should be allowed when I am involved but it is still wrong if I take this control to another person.

I am right and they are wrong. I have gone through it and I know that is wrong but I happened to meet people who continuously defy me and do as they please and I am left to accept it and move forward. This is a very toxic trait and yes I will need all the help I can get for it but I don’t think it's all wrong. I happen to not want my peers to get hurt by a flame that once burnt me and when I suggest that they shouldn’t touch it then it comes off as “control”.

On the other hand, there’s love. Being controlling whilst in a relationship. How are we supposed to protect our partners from bad friends or red flag tendencies that they happen to think are okay since they have led their lives that way for so long that the red flags are what they define as okay?

Was I cold?

Went to hold you, but I wanted to control you

Paranoid

What's wrong with me?

Why am I pointing out everything wrong with you?

Let's talk about last night, who were you with?

Why didn't you answer me?

All of these questions, criticizing

You bring out the worst in me

 

How do you deal with a partner who doesn’t want to change? Do you become complacent and watch them spiral down and watch them break then fight the urge to tell them, “I told you so” but then this would be you adding salt to their wound? Isn’t it? So, should we leave them and hope they will change? But what if they never change and continue on this ‘bad’ road and now you feel guilty and wonder if you would have done something differently, maybe you could have given them more time to change. But time isn’t fair. It just moves!

The problem with you is

That I can't get you off my mind

And I think about you all the time

It's your fault that I don't feel right

The problem with you is

That you're all that I dream about

And you're not right here right now

Took a minute, but I figured it out

The problem with me is you

 

Now let’s be logical about this. We love them, and we care for them so how do we get them to view life through our lens? But again, what if what I consider right or wrong is biased? No, wait… I am contradicting myself. I trust my gut and I know that this and that is wrong but how do I bring it across in a way that won’t seem controlling?

The guy who said that communication is the key clearly hadn’t come across a door that had a hundred padlocks. Some of us aren’t okay with communication. They will choose to deal with things their way and it has worked for them for a long time and they are convinced that that is right for them then you try to introduce communication to them and all your rants fall on deaf ears. But none of you are wrong; it just so happens that both of you deal with things differently.

So, another question pops up. Should we love the people who prefer communication like us and leave the silent ones to themselves? But these damn hearts will still want these silent people who make our hearts race and minds spiral around how mysterious they are and finally we end up breaking our hearts since we all watched Tinkerbell growing up and she sub-consciously convinced us that we can fix anything and everyone. So, I blame Disney for this!!!!

Now I understand why I feel this way

You're the one to blame, you should be ashamed

You should be ashamed

Now I understand why I feel this way

You're the one to blame, you should be ashamed

You should be ashamed

The problem with me is you

Or maybe all of us are wrong and we all have our paths in life and we happen to meet all these different people just to love them and not ask for more. Not ask for them to change if they don’t want to, to accept them as they are and just flow through life like a river and be still. Maybe just understand that men will give you joy and they will give you pain, and pray that the latter doesn’t come as much.

But again, I might be wrong in viewing life this way. So maybe we should just let life be!!!