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RIVERS AND ROADS



Hey you,

Nick: Alright Flash forward to the future. Forty-fifty years, you are married, got kids, and have grandkids. You look over to the woman sitting next to you, she is old. But you love her, and be honest with yourself, is that old lady sitting on the couch… is she May??

Is she her?? I want it to be her but I cannot control how life turns pans out.

A year from now, we'll all be gone

All our friends will move away

And they're goin' to better places

But our friends will be gone away

Growth… basically means increasing in size but I don’t think I have grown for over a year. Well, I have grown depressed, I have grown happy, I have grown hungry, I have grown in small ways that may not be evident to most but they matter to me, so maybe I have grown.

But I would like to grow with her. She makes my heart race, she makes me smile when I think about her, she makes me think, she makes me… she makes me try. I love this woman with my entirety but life has a way of showing me what I want only for it to be far from my reach, so maybe life needs to grow kinder to me.

I want to find my May, I want to find my Cece (y’all should watch New Girl, I have laughed and cried and I am five seasons in and I think it might be among my most loved shows), but yes, I want to find a lady I am willing to try for.

Most of us don’t try anymore, we just flow like the river, or maybe like streams and the only waterfalls we see are the tears we shed whilst reminiscing the things we did for them that we were certain we loved. That got dark… I’m sorry, but yes, we are too hurt to try anymore, we lost the strength to do it and are too cocooned in our pain and misery that we will never stretch our wings and be butterflies…

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to try it again. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to see my woman basically just breathing and that being my ultimate source of joy. I heard this guy say that the only way you will be happy in your relationship is if your partner is not the source of your happiness and you do not need them to be happy, but hey, I love who I am around her, I love how she makes me smile, I love how she makes me think, I love how I can throw a cheesy line and see her eyes light up… I want more of that and I don’t think I will regret it if she is my source of happiness.

Nothin' is as it has been

And I miss your face like hell

And I guess it's just as well

But I miss your face like hell 

This was meant to be a letter to my future wife, telling her how I have made countless errors since I last wrote. How that year and nine months have been tough, how much I am sorry for the embarrassing Facebook photos that I just forget to get rid of. Give her an update on how I have been stagnant for a while but still dream, I am trying to leave procrastination but for some reason, I am procrastinating doing that.

Been talkin' 'bout the way things change

And my family lives in a different state

If you don't know what to make of this

Then we will not relate

So, if you don't know what to make of this

Then we will not relate

I have a few plans for the coming year, and I will make sure I see them to fruition, well I mostly believe my God will make them happen. It’s a whole lotta faith and a dash of the butterfly effect causing little ripples in different things and seeing if that old white man lied to me.

It’s late and I am yet to eat so I will chuck. I hope you are well, also trying like I am….

Rivers and roads

Rivers and roads

Rivers 'til I reach you

 

Love,

 

Thairu

  

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