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LA DOULEUR

 


Caro Amante,

Do you know that TikTok video that starts;

“Hey, you must be wondering how we got here. Well, let us start from the beginning…”

I let my heart go

Somewhere I don’t know

Forgot when it fell

I can’t seem to find it

I need to remind it

You found someone else

Pain tends to always be there. It never misses the party; it will always find a way to be present. You will be having the grandest of days and boom you are served a tot of pain to end your day.

Well, pain is subjective but recently it has been personified by ‘love’. Love is not pain but it's hard for most of us to accept this simple truth. When most of us think of love; we will associate it with pain and sorrow. They loved me but also brought me pain hence I walked around on eggshells wondering if I will break and scream when I see them.

I’m coming ‘round please don’t say no

Don’t you come here anymore

I’m coming ‘round please don’t say no

Don’t you come here anymore

This new thing we have named ‘love’ is enveloped by confusion and pain. “Love now seems like a small star that started shining but is also surrounded by a huge storm so it dies out”

Recently I have come to the realization that most of the things I read and watch in movies actually happen. That Hardin and Tessa kind of love is actually real to most of the young people I know. A relationship defined by toxicity and they are in too deep that they actually believe they are in love with each other.

Thought I was just fine

Keeping a thick spine

Just a matter of time

You’d come to your senses

Lay down your defenses

And tell me you're mine

We now have a generation of people who love each other for the wrong reasons. We later get so infatuated with each other that we do not even realize that we are hurting each other in the process which is shown in how we treat each other whilst we fight. We take all the precious things that they had to offer and break them slowly to a point they are reduced to former shells of themselves but still, this infatuation remains despite knowing the pain we have caused them.  We still go back, knowing that this red flag is still there so we wear colored glasses to mask the pain and stay there.

You caught me cold when you kissed him

I didn’t mean to watch but I did

And when you looked in his eyes

My heart was wondering why

It could love so much but cannot touch

I really have no solution for this, maybe we will all break and finally get to a place where we want fixing. I wish Tinkerbelle was real then she would tinker with our emotional selves and we would accept change.

Well, I write this while celebrating Madaraka Day, it means Freedom and in as much we might never experience real freedom, we could try chasing emotional freedom and not spread the pain. (Shoot I really don’t have a title for this one, I will make something up though)

 

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