Skip to main content

LA DOULEUR

 


Caro Amante,

Do you know that TikTok video that starts;

“Hey, you must be wondering how we got here. Well, let us start from the beginning…”

I let my heart go

Somewhere I don’t know

Forgot when it fell

I can’t seem to find it

I need to remind it

You found someone else

Pain tends to always be there. It never misses the party; it will always find a way to be present. You will be having the grandest of days and boom you are served a tot of pain to end your day.

Well, pain is subjective but recently it has been personified by ‘love’. Love is not pain but it's hard for most of us to accept this simple truth. When most of us think of love; we will associate it with pain and sorrow. They loved me but also brought me pain hence I walked around on eggshells wondering if I will break and scream when I see them.

I’m coming ‘round please don’t say no

Don’t you come here anymore

I’m coming ‘round please don’t say no

Don’t you come here anymore

This new thing we have named ‘love’ is enveloped by confusion and pain. “Love now seems like a small star that started shining but is also surrounded by a huge storm so it dies out”

Recently I have come to the realization that most of the things I read and watch in movies actually happen. That Hardin and Tessa kind of love is actually real to most of the young people I know. A relationship defined by toxicity and they are in too deep that they actually believe they are in love with each other.

Thought I was just fine

Keeping a thick spine

Just a matter of time

You’d come to your senses

Lay down your defenses

And tell me you're mine

We now have a generation of people who love each other for the wrong reasons. We later get so infatuated with each other that we do not even realize that we are hurting each other in the process which is shown in how we treat each other whilst we fight. We take all the precious things that they had to offer and break them slowly to a point they are reduced to former shells of themselves but still, this infatuation remains despite knowing the pain we have caused them.  We still go back, knowing that this red flag is still there so we wear colored glasses to mask the pain and stay there.

You caught me cold when you kissed him

I didn’t mean to watch but I did

And when you looked in his eyes

My heart was wondering why

It could love so much but cannot touch

I really have no solution for this, maybe we will all break and finally get to a place where we want fixing. I wish Tinkerbelle was real then she would tinker with our emotional selves and we would accept change.

Well, I write this while celebrating Madaraka Day, it means Freedom and in as much we might never experience real freedom, we could try chasing emotional freedom and not spread the pain. (Shoot I really don’t have a title for this one, I will make something up though)

 

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

SEB'S

Dearly Beloved, It's been six years since I said I'd watch this piece, La La Land. I've been afraid, though, afraid that it might become my life. A line reads that whoever is afraid of suffering is already suffering from what they fear, and clearly, I have become it.  Seb says that he is letting life hit him till it gets tired then he will hit back and that line made me laugh as life has been hitting me lately. A line reads that don't kick a man whose on the ground but life didn't get the memo since I've been receiving my daily share of kicks everyday. You know, life not being as I had envisioned it as a child. Be married at 25 and have cars and houses and horses and kids... and now I can barely follow through a movie as I need rest.  Mia and Seb are what I had and what I craved for so I understood their story. How both of them sought after their dreams and worked towards them but then life chose different trajectories for them and life seemed good but they were...
1 comment
Read more

L'amour De Ma Vie!

Dearest Reader, Yesternight I lay beside a woman I desired. She was the embodiment of all I wanted but wasn't what I needed. It took me too long to realize that, though. I may have been so fixated on the idea of being with her that I lost myself in my own whims of what I thought I wanted.  Want and need always seem blurry to me. I always want things that make my heart race, and I chase after them, then realize that I just needed some peace of mind and slow music. But does that mean that I shouldn't chase after what I want? What if that want causes me more damage than I can handle and I finally break? Break because I have spent my years holding on to the hope that I will always be okay, as I walked on a tight leash and a single misstep would cause my death. I have all these fears of finding a good woman. Fears that have no basis since I do not know what a good woman is. Is a good woman someone who resembles my mother? Is a good woman someone whom I love that she loves me? Nah, I...
2 comments
Read more

LOVERS DON'T LET GO!

My Darling, There’s something peculiar about her, how I placed her on a pedestal she never asked for. She didn’t think she was all that, but I saw her as everything. She left, but somehow, she still lingers. A voice in the quiet. A memory that won't be quiet. Don’t you even think of giving up. Don’t you even. Don’t you even say you’ve had enough. You’re not leaving. The thing about breakups is that they never announce themselves. You wake up on what feels like a beautiful day, and then bam! your world flips. Suddenly, the one you love doesn’t love you anymore. Just like that. I still don’t understand it. How do you stop loving someone? Can you even stop? Or did you never really love them at all? Most of us never get closure. We just learn to carry the silence like it’s part of us. Don’t you know that lovers don’t let go? No, no, not like that. Take your time, but come back. To me, love has always been something that loops. It returns, even if it slows do...
2 comments
Read more