I'M TIRED

 

Hey Lord,

Ooh, I’m tired,

I’m sorry I let you down,

Why?

Cause I am not a good person,

That’s not true!

Yeah, You don’t really know me anymore,

Yes, I do, I am always with you,

I miss you so much.

 

I personally think Labrinth was an angel then he just chose to stay here with us and give us bangers. It is said that Heaven is a land filled with joy and music, but Labrinth comes with music and tears, so maybe he isn’t an angel but he has to have a halo. Anyways…

 

Do you have those moments where you feel short of who you know you are? Are there moments where you are full of hate for yourself because you are certain you could have done some things differently in life? You start walking around in regret and anger with a dash of pain, murmuring how you should have made different choices. Feeling as though the world is out to get you and make your life hard, or maybe it is (So long as we are in a floating rock in space, you can never be too sure about things). Well, sijafika hapo, but I have been reading some books, and man, people are full of regret out here!!

They are walking around TIRED, regretting their choices, feeling too guilty to try and change, walking around in denial of who they have become, spreading negative vibes and bad energy, crying themselves to sleep, finding more pain in solitude because they do not have people they can trust or talk to. Hence, pain and misery become the norm and they are subconsciously addicted to it, so they chase after it on the precipice of wanting to prove that only bad things happen to them. It is said that we will always find what we are looking for and they are a testament to it.

Some of us turn to the GOSPEL and it becomes a shade and a new light but most of us lie in the darkness and keep on wishing we made different choices. I know for a fact that if we had the power to turn back the time we would all go back and change some of the mistakes we made. But who is to say changing those mistakes would make us better? I suppose changing even a fraction of our past would really hinder our future and change our current selves and perhaps we would like that for a while but it would mean that we would have new experiences and we would be content about that for a while but we would also want to experience things we liked from our changed present again hence we’d go back and change the past again. (This is really funny in my head juu we would be stagnant and I might be confusing.)

But the question is, Is it really too late to try and change ourselves to become the people we always envisioned ourselves to be? Do we have to stay stuck because we made some or maybe a lot of errors growing up? Should we continue hating ourselves because of what we have gone through? Should we let such things govern our lives and abide in this prison of pain and hate for ourselves? Should we… should we…

I believe in forgiveness being a core factor in life and most importantly the act of forgiving ourselves. The act of not beating ourselves up as much. The act of loving ourselves. The act of choosing ourselves and accepting that yes we made an error and we will work towards not making it again. That yes we’ve fallen again and we are ashamed but we have to pick ourselves up and try again. I believe there is a reward for all this and one of them is you start viewing life differently, You start seeing the light and there are butterflies in your wake and stars in your sleep and your smile becomes more genuine. Life becomes colorful and you find new artists and your social media FYP gets more loving posts and not declarations of more pain. (I highly recommend clicking not interested in sad TikTok videos and breathing a little.)

I believe most of us are made up of mistakes and regret but all this is re-painted by acceptance and love and we have to start acknowledging that. The art of loving ourselves comes in different shades and it might seem odd to many but continue stroking it with your brush and take a step back and enjoy your creation. We all define loving ourselves in a different way so be proud of yours and stand by it.

Writing this nikideal na clients has made me lose track of what I intended to say but I think you will get something from all this. Also do not take banana cake with coffee, it has a funny aftertaste but drink lots of water if you do.