TEARS AND THOUGHTS

A heartbreak to me refers to all your emotions being jumbled up in your head and heart or is it in your head only? It has a bitter taste, it recurs like a bad cold and the problem is, the only remedy for it is time. But time seems to not flow fast enough to forget and you feel stuck, you feel stagnant, you start repeating the same thing because it seems as though you’re tired of trying to look for new synonyms of being stuck.

I always wonder why we hate them that break our hearts? Is it us trying to find a reason to move on and be free or did we actually hate them but thought it was love. (This is very confusing – ukielewa kindly fafanulia the guys at the back). But you want them to continue being happy, to find peace, to find grace in all that they do but at the same time you want to be part of that but that boat is slowly sailing and leaving you drowning in your own tears and thoughts, (I think I'll call this piece, Tears, and Thoughts) and your pain being a constant reminder that you might never be part of their lives and all that love you had is hanging loosely in you without an outlet.

Lakini, there is this urge to cling to the possibility of you getting back together but at the same time, you worry if that would be good for you or them. But you want to risk it. You want to try but at the same time, you keep on hitting a wall and wondering if you are doing it wrong. You wonder if all the “I love you’s” were a lie, you wonder what to do with all the memories you had. Funny enough you do not find an actual reason to hate them but you keep on searching for something, anything that can fill the void then you start slandering them expecting to feel better about yourself. (it’s truly sad)

Some of us choose to get a rebound but is it really okay to make these people more depressed than they already are? Would it be fair to leave them when you feel good about yourself and say that now you seem to have moved on and you leave them hanging, being loose and in pain, and the cycle of tears and thoughts continues. So now you have gone and birthed a new type of you and that adds up to the traumas that most of us are piling, (well it’s another baggage and it seems we are strong enough to keep on carrying it.)

 I tend to think that love is a very fragile and fickle thing but sure knows how to boast. It starts with that captivating smile and you can’t forget for days and after a while you start coiling in some dark corner, crying your heart out and hating yourself but sure enough the minute you are good you start running towards it. It’s as if we are programmed to experience anguish and pain and small spasms of happiness then spend our whole lives chasing after that small moment.

I read a quote that read;

When you used to cling

So tightly to people and

Experiences and moments

Where you thought you were

Experiencing love but now you realize

That you were just experiencing yourself

And that’s why you felt so much, love,

Now you know that love is what you are

It can never leave because it never came from

Anywhere outside of you…

I do not have a solution for the pain but we could at least try to stop this cycle. Let’s take our time and heal and be better. And with that, I’ll wrap this up. Happy new year, I never got to tell some of you that or should I say happy new month’s eve. So with the new year, heal from your traumas, heal from your pain and be better. Don’t take cake and yogurt, it doesn’t go well or maybe I didn’t shake the yogurt well.