WHISPERS FROM MY CAGE

I really don’t even don’t know why am writing this. I don’t have a topic to talk about but am here about to create art and I don’t even know what the final product will be. I heard Lakeith Stanfield saying he just grooves with his spirit and I presume that is exactly what am doing now. What I know is that I’ll be feeling better when am done. I can’t really explain it but for the longest time I’ve felt caged. Like am not supposed to feel some things. Most people have a perspective of who I am and who I’ll be but there are days I just want to be free. Be a bird and let the wind direct me. I live a closeted life, but there is always that feeling of wanting to riot. Wanting to try different things in life, get to live but I can’t do it because of the repercussions that would suffice if I did. I want to scream or laugh, am repeating myself aren’t I.

I’d like to grow dreadlocks and have that phase in my life escapades. I want to do drugs not the hard ones but some weed and get to vibe to some music and laugh for no apparent reason. I want to seclude myself from the world and hide myself in a library and read all the novels men have written. I’d like this, I’d like that, but I have to come out of my bubble and face the reality that I’ll never get do most of these things. Or maybe I did them? Am a firm believer of reincarnation. Its rather scary but what if we scream during childbirth because we finally see the light and are afraid to go through it. Wait who said there was a light. What if its infinite darkness and we all fear the dark? Am overthinking things again aren’t I.

I also believe that our birthmarks (these are some marks that we have on our bodies that do not relate to any scars we’ve gotten and funny enough I have one on my left rib) are marks that we carried from our past life. So, what if I was stabbed in the heart and I carried that scar to this life. Was I free in my past life or was I just another man that followed rules and never broke them till I passed on  to this current state of stagnity. This is very dark even for me; I should probably go and buy myself some yoghurt and continue binge watching animes. Well am laughing again, the foul mood has left. I need some sunshine and a cold drink. Well whatever catches my eye first then.

But maybe one day I’ll get to experience these things. Have a bad boy phase and regret it then tell my grandkids about it. Life is really funny isn’t it. We lead a care free life when we are kids and then we get the title teenager and we start making life complex in our own different ways. I’d like to be carefree again; it’s really funny when I think about how society would view me when I do. Well this was fun but I have to get back to this boring phase am in. Ice cream will do it then (sighs). Anyways be blessed and try to not be closeted. I think I’ll take this a step at a time, I should definitely buy a dreadlock wig. Don’t forget, peace, love and ice cream this time …